my scribbles

Friday, November 14, 2008

summer breeze

this song could be called lexi's self protection--it is so dead on for what goes on in my heart...but the thing is. i miss that summer breeze and i think i want to shed this skin...for the first time in a long time.

summer breeze by kris delmhorst

Once you've been bitten
You get a little bit shy
Start looking round for anyplace that you can hide
Once you've been naked
You get a thick thick skin
Build it up layer by layer and you climb on in

And then you're wrapped up oh so tightly
That I don't think you feel a thing
No sting of snowflakes, no kiss of angel's wings
And maybe you don't need that skin anymore
Maybe if you took it off you would not have to breathe
Maybe air would just flow in and out of you as it pleased

Look at all the heaviness
And the weight in this world
Put an old lady backbone in a little baby girl
Left no room for no lover
Left no time for no friend
Just a little voice saying never never never again

But if there's no such thing as safety
And if there ain't no guarantee
Maybe the coast is just as clear as it is ever gonna be
And maybe you don't need that skin anymore
Maybe if you took it off you would not even have to breathe
Maybe air would just flow in and out of you as it pleased

Like a summer breeze
Don't you want to feel the breeze
Don't you want to feel it now
Sweet summer breeze

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

this flailing feeling...

i can't speak for myself anymore. it's like all my words gang up against me and i can't describe what goes on in my heart. maybe because i don't know what's going on in there...it is oh so frustrating! but music--as always is the voice i don't have. i found this song.

curious by holly brooke

Someone tell me what to do
I feel like i must be a fool
For ending up right back at the start
The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again
I think that i think too hard
And i don't give enough credit to my heart

I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto

I've put my theories to the test
You know i've tried to do my best
But maybe we weren't meant to strike gold
Sometimes things that you ignore
Are all the things i'm looking for
Will i learn to let go
Give into love and listen to my soul

I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto

i feel like i'm in a place where i just can't move. the questions keep coming. the curiousity just kills me! too many things unanswered. too many things i'll never get--that break my heart. and my heart is in serious condition...my heart is just as stubborn as ever. can't move toward God, can't move away. can't move toward eric, can't move away...

and i ask eric to tell me who i am--and he doesn't and then i spin out of control--like today. i can hardly keep my hands off the phone to call him for the 5th time to ask him if he loves me. and he has all the right answers but it's not enough.

this hurts. i feel kind of flailing. like a fish out of water.

and i don't know why i'm writing this. probably just to get it out. but i would give almost anything to releive this flailing feeling...almost.