a f r a i d

i am afraid. i am afraid of moments that i feel unwanted, unloved, ugly and betrayed. i am afraid. i am afraid of tornados and crawly things that don't belong in my house.
i am afraid. i am afraid of death and dirty towels and disease.
i am afraid. i am afraid of people with smoggy souls and small spaces and weed.
i am afriad. so very very frightened of it happening again.
i am afraid. so very very scared of bad surprises and startling violence.
i am afriad. so very fearful of long stretches of nothing. nowhere to go. nothing important to do.
i am afraid. so terrified that i don't matter and neither do you.

this fear...it strangles and controls me. it makes my every move for me. i live in this anxiety. although there is not much living done.

until He comes along. He says PEACE. BE STILL. and i am. i can't help but be. He makes all this nervous anxiety that most are on meds for be quiet. because when He's there He tells me who i am. He tells me who He is. and He tells me He controls it all.

He makes the loudest, angriest words and situations sound like a lullaby. He tells me i am beautiful...that He made this casing of skin and bones for my soul to live in...nothing else. He tells me i'm His...and He'll never turn away. He says He controls the skies and all the clouds and storms. He laughs at my paranoia of spiders and slimy things and tells me they are His too. His bigness brings them down to size. He tells me that death brings me to a life i've never known and assures me He is there and i will love it. He whispers stories to me of scary people and paints them as only children that He made and who sadly refuse to choose Him. He tells me there is nothing i can touch or catch that He cannot cure. He tells me there is nothing anyone can do to me that He cannot heal. He said He watches over me when i sleep. He tells me He is with me in an elevator, a crowded room or in an open field. He tells me not to worry about being in control...that there is not a place in my life He needs or expects it. He tells me He directs my steps just to be careful not to let go of His hand. He says He's glad i am still surprised by bad because He never intended it for my eyes. He says He holds me. He says He directs my every step...and not to fear if i'm taking small ones. He says not to worry about being significant. He is significant enough for us all.

He takes my fears and breaks them. He turns up His voice and down the others. He holds me...whispers to me...all the things i've always wished someone would tell me.

He tells me who i am by telling me who HE is...

and all the fears fade away.