Monday, November 30, 2009

haven't written here in forever...


it's been awhile. life, babies, photography, grace, kidzone, moving and business have sucked up so much of my time. but most lately God has been stirring my soul in the area of love, love, love. turns out...i suck at it. like something terrible!!!

the biggest and baddest of my unloving discoveries has been centered around this one phrase.

"love believes the best"...

i never believe the best...of anyone. not the ones i love or especially the ones i hate! i weld my unbelief like a sword...i cut down relationships with my assumptions. assumptions i've come to be proud of. i've convinced myself i can read motives. HA. fo real tho. i enter a room and read the faces talk to those that make me feel safe and stay far from those that make me wonder...i enter a friendship and see one fault and define them by that EVERYTIME. instead of stamping love across it...i stamp it in my memory. and file it away as a way i could be hurt in the future. the worst is that i do it to my love...my husband. i never give him the benifit of the doubt...i doubt...OH how i doubt everything he does. it would suck to live with someone like that. and yet...that is what i do to those i love.

so i find myself back in the place where it's all up to Him. i can't change this. it IS me. it is woven into the fibers of who i am and how much i've been hurt. i could hold onto this...i have for so long. or i could ask Him to take it...and make me look more like Him and less like the monster i see in the mirror.

Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence. 1 corinthians 10:11

if it's all about love then i gotta long way to go...one foot in front of the other...

1 Comments:

Blogger Gigi said...

:)

10:19 AM  

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