this flailing feeling...

i can't speak for myself anymore. it's like all my words gang up against me and i can't describe what goes on in my heart. maybe because i don't know what's going on in there...it is oh so frustrating! but music--as always is the voice i don't have. i found this song.

curious by holly brooke

Someone tell me what to do
I feel like i must be a fool
For ending up right back at the start
The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again
I think that i think too hard
And i don't give enough credit to my heart

I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto

I've put my theories to the test
You know i've tried to do my best
But maybe we weren't meant to strike gold
Sometimes things that you ignore
Are all the things i'm looking for
Will i learn to let go
Give into love and listen to my soul

I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
That we hold onto

i feel like i'm in a place where i just can't move. the questions keep coming. the curiousity just kills me! too many things unanswered. too many things i'll never get--that break my heart. and my heart is in serious condition...my heart is just as stubborn as ever. can't move toward God, can't move away. can't move toward eric, can't move away...

and i ask eric to tell me who i am--and he doesn't and then i spin out of control--like today. i can hardly keep my hands off the phone to call him for the 5th time to ask him if he loves me. and he has all the right answers but it's not enough.

this hurts. i feel kind of flailing. like a fish out of water.

and i don't know why i'm writing this. probably just to get it out. but i would give almost anything to releive this flailing feeling...almost.