first september

I've been gone for awhile. I'm back today, on this dawn-less morning. I've been driving toward the daylight for the past hour and it's too stormy, the sun is just not coming up. i know He holds me today. He's holding me up while my heart is ---WOW! so fucking broken. but He is my Father, my Abba, my Daddy. I've never really had one of those. but i hear they know how to make it all okay again. that's what I'm waiting for...whatever it looks like. seriously. deep breath...

meanwhile in my sorrow, i hunted down a poem i wrote in the 10th grade that seems oh so fitting to today. behold my youthful wisdom!!!

First September

Wind whistles a solemn melody,
a lullaby to an aching heart.
sun smiles down apologetically,
forcing stormy clouds apart.

Here I sit in memories,
as faded golden autumn leaves,
fall gently to the ground,
scarcely making a sound,
yet thundering in my head,
as seasons change with dread.

September sees me hurting,
still he sides with the sun.
But both the wind and august know,
my grieving can't be done.

September senses his significance,
he knows i come bereft.
i just wish he'd allow me cry
as August and I wept.

September knows no feeling,
as he harshly strips the trees.
try as he might I won't allow
him to take away my leaves.

September staunchly offers numbness,
to replace tenderness for my soul.
It seems September's confining grasp,
may never let me go.

Though leaves now rustle all around me,
with winds' song whispering in my ear;
i might get through this first September,
to contend with the rest of the year.

i don't know about the rest of the year. but here is to today. His grace is new every morning...