ME, MY, I
criticize by creating.--Michelangelo
so--creating. that is something i am good at. or at least something i am passionate about anyway. if only i could transfer this concept from words to actions. i am good at seeing problems but slothly slow about making the changes necessary in me and around me to accomplish the good that i see in my head. in my marriage. in kidzone at church. in the groups that i am currently a part of and the ones that don't yet exist. in the relationships around me and in our world.
why is it i can see it so clearly and feel so strongly and do nothing? why is it that i won't let Him in to do the work for me? what is it stubborn soul? that you are stiving toward? although you exist inside of me-- i don't understand.
i guess down deep in my heart where things begin to get a bit gritty and grimy--where there exists nothing but my depravity--for i have not yet let Christ see this dark place, is the truth. and the truth is i want someone else to create these things for me. i want to be the receiver of these creations--not the creator. i want to be the reciever of love in my marriage--that is withering due to my stubborn selfishness. i want to be the observer of something amazing that happens for the kids in my church--not carry it creatively on my back. i want to continue to have a safe place to share--not create one for everyone else. i want to be a part of a mom's group, not the responsible leader. i want to benefit from a wounded hearts group not fight tooth and nail for the brave hearts that are reading the book and fighting to regain their lives. i want to complain about the rich--and how they should help the poor--not recognize i am one of the wealthy and step up to the responsibility that comes with it. i want to rail against the corruption in government and politics without joining hands to make a change.
in the dark depravity that is me...a dim light shines. it's the holy spirit. unveiling. sneaking in where He isn't welcome and moving things around. blowing the dust of my filthy selfishness and self centeredness. whew! as the dust flies i wonder what He thinks of all this. i wonder what He'll do. i wonder-- if it is ugly to me who knows sin--what does it look like to Him who can't stand it?
help me get out of the way, God of the angel armies!
make a way for me to become smallest and you to become largest.
so--creating. that is something i am good at. or at least something i am passionate about anyway. if only i could transfer this concept from words to actions. i am good at seeing problems but slothly slow about making the changes necessary in me and around me to accomplish the good that i see in my head. in my marriage. in kidzone at church. in the groups that i am currently a part of and the ones that don't yet exist. in the relationships around me and in our world.
why is it i can see it so clearly and feel so strongly and do nothing? why is it that i won't let Him in to do the work for me? what is it stubborn soul? that you are stiving toward? although you exist inside of me-- i don't understand.
i guess down deep in my heart where things begin to get a bit gritty and grimy--where there exists nothing but my depravity--for i have not yet let Christ see this dark place, is the truth. and the truth is i want someone else to create these things for me. i want to be the receiver of these creations--not the creator. i want to be the reciever of love in my marriage--that is withering due to my stubborn selfishness. i want to be the observer of something amazing that happens for the kids in my church--not carry it creatively on my back. i want to continue to have a safe place to share--not create one for everyone else. i want to be a part of a mom's group, not the responsible leader. i want to benefit from a wounded hearts group not fight tooth and nail for the brave hearts that are reading the book and fighting to regain their lives. i want to complain about the rich--and how they should help the poor--not recognize i am one of the wealthy and step up to the responsibility that comes with it. i want to rail against the corruption in government and politics without joining hands to make a change.
in the dark depravity that is me...a dim light shines. it's the holy spirit. unveiling. sneaking in where He isn't welcome and moving things around. blowing the dust of my filthy selfishness and self centeredness. whew! as the dust flies i wonder what He thinks of all this. i wonder what He'll do. i wonder-- if it is ugly to me who knows sin--what does it look like to Him who can't stand it?
help me get out of the way, God of the angel armies!
make a way for me to become smallest and you to become largest.
posted by lexi | Wednesday, January 09, 2008
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