why's

"Why" by bethany dillon
This house is echoing With the sound of You knocking at the door
But with three locks And the shades down You are easy to ignore
I put You on like an old pair of shoes I've put You off,
but now I need You
Why?
this love that never leaves me
Why are You holding me tonight?
Can't deny this love that is given me
Why? t
his love will never leave
You're a good strategy
when I need one
An angle when there is none
Like a doormat That always says welcome
No matter how much dirt I rub on
But when I am tired and run through
Look over this hill, I'm running to You


i'm in a weird, low place. i want to say "tell me a story of why God would want someone like me!" i want to say "give me an example of this unconditional, never ending love". who in the bible did God continue to love even when they failed him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? i want something, anything to make me feel better right now and at this point i've sold my soul to everything else but him. all the thoughts, words, actions, impulses and desires that i thought would help--haven't. i've relyed on nothing but me for the past few months so why would God want me back now? after i've used and accused, ignored and avoided him for so long?

this is where i'm at. and i can't seem to move. i don't know where He is right now. don't really know where i'm at. just asking alot of why's i guess. lots of confusion. chaos. i guess that's okay?