the promise

so i got some good news back on my pregnancy. for no reason the hemorrage that was threatening the pregnancy is healing. after all of this i feel small. this whole time i've felt so angry and sad and entitled. such a sense of entitlement has come up in me these past few weeks in the face of this possible miscarriage. it's been ugly. to think that i deserved such a gift is apalling...but honest. this kind act of God has humbled me and made me think alot about faith and hope and his brand of love. it's made me think alot about His goodness. and if i really beleive in it.

why do i think only good things should happen to me? why do i think because i am a follower of Christ i should be exempt from the hurt and pain of this world that is my home? my prayers in all of this have been so selfish and self-centered. i didn't really care what He might have in store for me. i wanted my way. and i still do. the promise wasn't that we would have lives full of peace and love. the promise was that He would never leave or forsake us. the promise was that we would face trials of many kinds and that we should give thanks in those trials. i can tell you right now i was not giving thanks in any of this!!! what would it mean to give thanks in the midst of a storm? what would it mean to really trust and love Him that much?

this song is amazing. in this world of unexplained hurt and pain...this song helps me sort things out a bit...and remember it's not about me...it's about Him...and if He is good than that is perfect.

held by natalie grant
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell ...
we’d be held.