i give up

don't really know how to make the last few days come alive with words. more and more i am unable to adequately express myself on this crazy blog.

but here goes...i think this is the easiest way to explain it.

i think God declared war on my pride.

and i think a humility bomb just went off in my life--

putting huge holes in my defenses and wounding my arrogance so critically that i don't know which wound to lick first. i'm overwhlemed and beginning to think that licking my wounds won't work this time. like it has for the past six months. i think my defenses are permanantly destroyed...rendered irrepairable.

on top of all this, i think He's got me surrounded. at this point i only really have one choice.

up goes the flag. not lexi's flag, the one that has been waving over my life for far too long...but the white one...

i surrender.