my sunrise

i first heard of the affair late at night...couldn't sleep and i woke and discovered something he couldn't deny. i didn't sleep all night. all night. we stayed up talking. and crying. and mourning. and then i went for a drive. i decided to drive east--towards the sunrise. at that point i thought it was over--our 14 year relationship...and i wanted to see the sunrise as a sign of hope. the sun didn't rise that morning. i drove and drove through the rain and the sun never came up...it was too stormy. over the last few months--in trying to peice our relationship back together...sunrises have obviously been very symbolic to me. i've stumbled across a few verses along the way...

Malachi--But for you, sunrise! The sun of righteousness will dawn on those who honor my name, healing radiating from its wings. You will be bursting with energy, like colts frisky and frolicking.

psalms--Hallelujah! Blessed man, blessed woman, who fear God, Who cherish and relish his commandments, Their children robust on the earth, And the homes of the upright—how blessed! Their houses brim with wealth And a generosity that never runs dry. Sunrise breaks through the darkness for good people— God's grace and mercy and justice!

isaiah--"Get out of bed, Jerusalem! Wake up. Put your face in the sunlight. God's bright glory has risen for you. The whole earth is wrapped in darkness, all people sunk in deep darkness, But God rises on you, his sunrise glory breaks over you.

today i saw my sunrise. in the midst of looking at my own need of grace and forgiveness His hope grew so big in me that i craved forgiveness--both His and giving some of my own...to eric and to everyone else that has ever wronged me and i've held onto. wow. and then i stumbled over this verse. new to me...

luke says--"Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us, Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace"

something about that one foot in front of the other that seems hopeful and possible and peace--whew! that sounds so worth it!!! today i was supposed to get sooooo much done. but instead i was inturrupted with higher things...and for once i put aside the task and listened to the spirit. don't know how my stuff's gonna get done but i am ever so grateful for his timely provision of a sunrise to my soul that's been far too familiar with midnight. oh! and then, just a few minutes ago a song...this song came on pandora...never heard it before and it made me sob. how dare i doubt Him!!!

sunrise by nichole nordeman

If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill
And find that . . .

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

There's a moment when
Faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You are sunrise


so i forgave eric today. and i hope to forgive him every day for the rest of my life. as well as everyone else that has hurt me along the way--ohhhh i've so held onto it all. i'm excited to see how this changes me. i already feel so supernaturally free--i'm hoping to hold onto that feeling!!!!

so i don't know what this means. i am soooo outta control in this--and i think that's where i'm supposed to be:) but for the first time in my life forgivness enters the scene--i don't really know what happens next...stay tuned...