my mountain

so i have officially labeled myself a "fixer" and i'm not very happy about it. i think that i've previously avoided the "fixing" title because it makes me seem . . . nosy or bitchy. i now confess that i am both of the above but . . . i don't want to be either.

my fix-it-ness has become oh so evident lately in my dealing with friends and family. . . i just want the best for everyone! if those i love are making a wrong choice i want to save them from their mistakes. i know that lessons can't be learned this way but lately i don't really care. i just have this overwhelming desire to "fix" all the problems that i can. just typing this makes me feel a little like a hypocrite and a control freak--the two kinds of people i most despise. somewhere inside, i know the reason that all these problems are getting to me right now is that i have not taken advantage of the cliched practice of "giving them to God". in my head i know this is my fault. but do i keep obsessing over everything? yes, of course.

God is just waiting in the wings for me to say the word for him to take this obsessive worrying away so why don't i take advantage of that? i think if eric was to tell me that he could take care of everything for me i would jump at the chance of unburdening myself so why is it so different when it's God who's offering? hmmmm. . . does that mean i don't trust Him?

there stands a peakless mountain between knowing that you are supposed to give things to God and actually doing it. i'm at the base of that mountain, looking up--not sure i even want to attempt the ascent.