growing pains

jaeda had the most terrible night last night. she couldn't get to sleep because of cramps in her legs. the same cramps i remember getting as a child. i never imagined how terrible this scenario would be as a mom because there's really nothing i can do . . . beside give her tylenol and rub her poor little growing body. i remember my mom labeled these terrible nighttime aches-- "growing pains". how i hated them then and how i hate them even worse now! i found myself lying next to poor little j thinking to myself, " now why are babies plauged with these growing pains? what in the world is the point of this, God?".

but it was weird, there was some strange joy in being up with her--comforting her. the past few days have been "bad mommy days" and it was really nice knowing that i was the only one who could do this--be here for her in this way. it's like the last few days she's been excersicing her independence and tonight's growing pains were just the thing i needed to feel close to her again. and with that lesson learned she drifted off to sleep. i tiptoed out of her room and left feeling grateful that God made growing pains so that babies who didn't think they were babies anymore would need their mommies.

as i was rocking her to sleep when she woke up crying again, i was no longer seeing the beauty in my mothering role but was getting a little cranky with it. i mean, come on God. i was a good mommy, sat with her patiently as she screamed for an hour and half. got her settled down and off to sleep--finally. we even had a little mother daughter moment somewhere in there. why couldn't she just have stayed asleep??? why!?! and then i sware just as i began to question God once again on the real nessesity of growing pains--it hit me. just like that.

"so I can comfort you".

just as God had placed jaeda's growing pains on the itinerary for this evening so that she and i could reconnect, He also places nights of growing pains in my life so that Daddy and daughter can reunite. i think sometimes God loves to be approched out of my sheer need for Him.

as i sat with j and watched her squirm and groan and cry and wiggle in a generally uncomfortable and unsatisfied way, i saw myself in alot of that. sometimes--like this week--i find myself in this place spiritually--squirmy and unsatisfied, groaning and uncomfortable. sometimes there is nothing other than growing pains that my frustrations on can be blamed on.

so why does God bother writing these useless growing pains into my life? so that i need Him . . . and so that He, and only He, can be the one to comfort me.

i'm not sure that my words in this post are very clear. in my head it sounds so different--it makes so much more sense. maybe this is entirely too simplistic . . . but to me it is profound.