grandma lodi
we are the same
her hands are my hands
with wrinkles and spots
her life is my life . . . + 57
without her i would never have been me
without her i would never have been . . .
so here she sits
me in a million years
or so it seems sometimes
but not today
today it feels like we are the same
she was me yesterday
i am her tomorrow
we share blood
we share love
we share family
but i am as stingy with my youth
as she is with her sentiments
she refrains from speaking of death
but i hear it whisper all around us
in her tired eyes and forgetful mind
screaming in her skinny arms and stubborn steps
she was mother of many
grandmother of more
great grandmother of me
please tell me her yesterday will come back tomorrow
please tell me that tommorow i'll be the same as today
if the truth is her death than
tell me a lie
tell me a lie
how my youth hates her age
hates that her once generous life
is now robbing her of all she has left
--pride
she seems quiet
calm even
she seems to understand what i don't
yet she won't tell me
what it feels like to hear the knock
and wait for death to come in
where i see an intruder
and she sees a neighbor
looking at her now
i see a movie of memories
blow pops and home made ice cream
carey grant and audrey stamps
who knows when she will go
yet all i can think is
who will remember my birthday?
since it's all about me
her approaching death is a mirror
in which i see myself
in which i see my frailty
in which i see my future
and i'm scared for us
for her today
for me tomorrow
we share a memory of youth
an ache of age
a glimpse of death
though i am terrified of her death
i am blessed by her blood
proud that she's mine
and a bit fearful to find
we are the same
my great-grandmother is dying. slowly and unmercifully. it is so hard to watch. i went to see her today and was broken by what i found left of her. she was so great 3 months ago. how can this kind of death come so fast? her death has me thinking about so many things. i had to get something out on paper in order for it to start to make sense to me . . . logical sentences seemed too harsh for such a tender subject. i love my grandmother . . . she means so much to me. she means there is someone bigger and wiser that is looking out for me. in all my stupid youth i have never imagined that she would actually be gone one day. today it hit me all at once and it left such an impact. i have been reeling all day from the news of her imminent departure.
her life is my life . . . + 57
without her i would never have been me
without her i would never have been . . .
so here she sits
me in a million years
or so it seems sometimes
but not today
today it feels like we are the same
she was me yesterday
i am her tomorrow
we share blood
we share love
we share family
but i am as stingy with my youth
as she is with her sentiments
she refrains from speaking of death
but i hear it whisper all around us
in her tired eyes and forgetful mind
screaming in her skinny arms and stubborn steps
she was mother of many
grandmother of more
great grandmother of me
please tell me her yesterday will come back tomorrow
please tell me that tommorow i'll be the same as today
if the truth is her death than
tell me a lie
tell me a lie
how my youth hates her age
hates that her once generous life
is now robbing her of all she has left
--pride
she seems quiet
calm even
she seems to understand what i don't
yet she won't tell me
what it feels like to hear the knock
and wait for death to come in
where i see an intruder
and she sees a neighbor
looking at her now
i see a movie of memories
blow pops and home made ice cream
carey grant and audrey stamps
who knows when she will go
yet all i can think is
who will remember my birthday?
since it's all about me
her approaching death is a mirror
in which i see myself
in which i see my frailty
in which i see my future
and i'm scared for us
for her today
for me tomorrow
we share a memory of youth
an ache of age
a glimpse of death
though i am terrified of her death
i am blessed by her blood
proud that she's mine
and a bit fearful to find
we are the same
my great-grandmother is dying. slowly and unmercifully. it is so hard to watch. i went to see her today and was broken by what i found left of her. she was so great 3 months ago. how can this kind of death come so fast? her death has me thinking about so many things. i had to get something out on paper in order for it to start to make sense to me . . . logical sentences seemed too harsh for such a tender subject. i love my grandmother . . . she means so much to me. she means there is someone bigger and wiser that is looking out for me. in all my stupid youth i have never imagined that she would actually be gone one day. today it hit me all at once and it left such an impact. i have been reeling all day from the news of her imminent departure.
posted by lexi | Friday, October 14, 2005
1 Comments:
oh lex...how i long to be there to hold your hand through this time. i can't say i am sorry your lovely grandmoother is slowly passing, because we both know there is a bigger and better plan for her...but i can say i am sorry you are having to deal with the loss. you are doing an extraordinary job of dealing with it. "for the joy of the lord is OUR strengh..." keep that in your heart and claim it through this time...all my love to you.--abs'
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