questions

i spent last evening with 14 of my closest friends--my small group. i cannot say enough about the community around me!!! eric and i are so unbelievably blessed to have the kind of christian support that we do. there is no substitute for authentic, deep and Christ-centered community! I will forever stand behind our calling to love and support each other on this journey.

last night was a bit of a sad night in small group--because here's the thing. our small group is now far from small. we can barely fit into one room, the bunch of us! in my opinion this is the ideal small group--one that is busting at the seams with people who want to get together and expierience God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i guess the "experts" say that an ideal small group is about 6 to 12 people--and we have far exceeded that number. soooo the next step in the process is what the church has termed "birthing". just like birth, the seperation of these tightly woven individuals brings a promise of pain--but there is no other way. in order to let others expirience the kind of real community that we have been so blessed to expirience we must split into 2 groups, who will soon split into 4 groups, who will then split into . . . you get the idea.

we have some folks who are very opposed to the idea of giving up this comfortable sharing space. i mean . . . we go way back this group. we've only been together for a year now but emotionally we go waaaaayyyy back. we have all shared things in this group that have never been shared before. parts of our walk where we have stumbled . . . parts of our life pre-Christ that we are trying to overcome. . . and it's going to be a tough transition. . . but for the sake of the "empty chair" that we no longer can provide--we must give up our comfortablility to welcome the lost and seeking into our loving midst.

we are very blessed to currently have some "baby" or "barbarian" christians in our group. you know the kind. they have questions for everything! most of the time they are lost in the midst of our "God-speak" and as they try to interpret our talk they are also trying to soak in as much knowledge as possible. it's like they are new to a country and are eager to learn the native ways. it is mostly the young ones in Christ that are so fearful of changing our group dynamics.

so question after question they asked last night--challenging the way things have always been done. seeking answers for the questions that none of us think to ask anymore. although their questions do get a bit tiresome, they are so full of a new kind of energy. the kind of energy that we veterans lack. their questions continually bring us back to the heart of the matter. " if this is all about Jesus then why does this matter," or "where does it say this," or "why do we do it this way--what purpose does this serve?"

as these kinds of questions flew around the room last night, i experienced a sense of peace. the kind of peace that is only provided when we struggle. as i sat back and watched the room, suddenly so alive with authentic words and honest inquiries i couldn't help but think, this is what He made us for.

He made us with this incredible mind that he crafted and perfected. He knew the faith that it would take for our minds to grasp His illogical grace. He knew all about the mental struggle that would ensue because of the upside down kingdom that He has invited us to take part in. everything He asks us to do is contridictary to what seems to make sense.
"if you lose your life--you will find it."
and as our minds grapple with His impossible God-truths we are participating in something that He expressly designed us for. God looks down in delight at our persistance in seeking His truth--His will. just like God blessed jacob for struggling in that long ago story that genesis tells . . . i think He will also bless us. i think that God is pleased when we question the "rules" of christianity. when some of these inquiries are made, i think He smiles as we do when our young children ask a humorous question about their curious new world. i think He smiles and nods in approval of our slow but sure progress in understanding His "backward" ways.

in so many christian circles, questions are discouraged. it was so exciting sitting in a room full of people persistant in seeking the will of God. praise God that he has created us to be truth seekers . . .tonight i thank God for the questions in my life and more specifically the questioners. . .