listening ears

today was a rough one here in the land of laundry. jaeda had no capacity for listening today. if you've ever spent time with a four year old, you probably know all about their lack of listening abilities.

i said, "jaeda, stop squeezing the cat". and she didn't.
i said, "jaeda, use kind words". and she didn't.
i said, "jaeda, eat your lunch". and she didn't.
i said, "jaeda, go to sleep". and she didn't.
i said, "jaeda, be quiet". and she didn't.
i said, "jaeda, stop banging those toys together". and she didn't
i said, "jaeda, wait your til i get off the phone". and she didn't
i said, "jaeda, wipe your face". and she didn't
i said, "jaeda, wait your turn". and she didn't
i said, "jaeda, stop yelling". and she didn't
i said, "jaeda, stop yelling". and she still didn't
i said, "JAEDA, STOP YELLING!". and she still didn't.
i said, "JAEDA, PLEASE STOP YELLING OR YOU ARE GETTING SPANKED". and she STILL didn't!

then i realized i was also yelling and couldn't spank her for something i was also doing . . . or could i?

words cannot describe the level of my frustration.

at "naptime"--or rather the two hours that jaeda refused to sleep--i took a few moments to collect my sanity and in my moment of frustration i heard it. . . and i wanted to do anything but listen to the still small voice inside me that said,

"you are so upset at her for her lack of listening and yet you refuse to hear My voice calling you."

my yelling at her for yelling was the very least of the hypocrytical things i did today.

i am God's four year old that hears His warning and does it anyway. i am his child that likes to play deaf. He has the best just waiting for me and yet i would rather go my own way than heed his call. He must be beyond frustration with me.

how sad.
that i have put my heavenly Father on mute.
how tragic.
that i have passed on a chance to obey His perfect will.
how sorry i am-- because i now know a fraction of what He must feel!!!!!!!!!!!

so tonight i pray for an old fashioned pair listening ears. remember the kind? well i'd like to get mine out, put them on, and tune them in to hear that still small voice that i have been ignoring for a long time--longer than i'd like to admit. i pray for the courage to obey those quiet promptings. . .

. . . and since i am praying for listening ears, is it too much to ask that jaeda get a pair too?