free

my world is literally 3 lies to every truth. my world needs a little more honesty in it. my world would be oh so much simpler with a little more honesty in it. why then is it so hard for me to break the smooth cycle and stir up a little chaos with my honesty? we all need a little chaos. growth requires a chaos of sorts.

i hate the everyday lies i tell-- spoken and unspoken. i hate scrambling for pleasant pretending words in an uncomfortable situation. how much easier would it be just to be honest? okay well maybe not easier in the moment but definately easier in the long run. our lives were made to be lived authentically that is why i am writing these words because true honesty is a deep longing inside of me. true honesty. much different than manipulating honesty. which comes across as just another self protective measure. i can do manipulating honesty. boy can i! when i want to hurt someone with "honesty", when i want to save a few dollars or get a free meal. i can do that kind of honesty. and that rude, self-serving honesty is what i used to think that true honesty was. but now i know that there is this different honesty. this honesty that the bible claims has the power to set one free. this honesty is Christ centered. not lexi centered. so Chrsit-centered that i have to take even my comfort out of the equation to achieve it.

why do i, as a Christ follower have an even harder time being honest than i did before meeting Him? there are so many "christian" lies that i tell on a regular basis. not just the "how are you's", " i am fine's" either. it's more than that. it is "yes i am listening to your whoe is me tale". yes of course i am listening because Christ would listen. am i listening inside? of course not. so i lie. in order to be more christian, you understand...

a little honesty would go a long way in my life. in so many situations. with so many people. what would Jesus have me say in those situations that i convince myself to lie in His name? and then what would Jesus say to me? i don't think He'd be proud...that's for sure. but why do i do it?

i have to thank a dear friend for pointing out my christian dishonesty. the words of isaiah come to mind when i think of all this...

When we proudly display our righteous deeds, we find they are but filthy rags.

disgusting. filthy. rags. that is what my most righteous moments are. my good deeds are full of selfish motives, often peace centered and not Christ centered. ha! it's funny i was looking for a picture to post that was "pretty" filthy rags... artistic filthy rags. but then i laughed out loud at the irony of it all... and then posted some really "filthy" filthy rags. i swear i can smell them from here!

so i think i'm going to challenge myself to be honest. pure honesty for 2 weeks. and see how simple honesty changes my life. . . i so long to be free. free of the things i'm supposed to say... He says the truth sets you free. so here goes...