wrinkled thoughts...

"shame is the outcome of a failure in trust. trust is a giving of our soul to another with the hope that we will not be harmfully used. such trust invests in another the power to determine whether or not we are acceptable and desirable. shame is experienced before the one i've entitled or given the right to judge me. ultimately, that is the perrogative of God alone. to give that privilege--in essence, the opportunity to bestow or retract life--to anyone other than God is idolatry."

--dr. dan allender

wow...what a thought. what a completly heavy, wrinkled and possibly life changing thought.

what if? what if i chose to give God the gavel that's belonged to Him all along? what if my life was lived in trust...complete and utter trust of God and no other? to think that this whole shame thing. that heavy, unbreathable, anxious feeling that rules my every action in the avoidance of it, is totally optional? what if the only place shame had in my life was to point me to the one who could erase it?

so many wrinkled and crinkled up thoughts in my head. my mind is beginning to resemble the sorry state of my bedroom right now. piles of half sorted wrinkled thoughts everywhere--stashed in this corner or that. under the bed or in the closet floor. i really intend to sort through it all--as soon as i have time. but time never taps me on the shoulder and begs to be had...so i continue daily with the urgent, completely ignoring the important. the important peices of thoughts and dreams i've left crumpled in the corner of my recollection to deal with on another day... this enitre idea being one of the politely discarded items. i just need to take some time to pick them all up and iron them out...