a love story

i just talked to me five years ago. her name is kelly.

she looks a bit like me and unfortunately acts like me--five years ago.

she is young--so young she has no idea. and she's making mistakes-- so many mistakes, she has no idea.

see we've been talking to this couple--kinda. david and kelly. they are so eric and i. they've dated forever, been through everything together and then kelly broke up with david about 2 months ago. he's devestated. he's still amazingly in love with her and is bound and determined that she's the one. and she. . . well she isn't so sure. that was so eric and i.

so we've talked to david . . . alot. nursed him through some really rough times these past few months. i think that eric has seen more of himself in david than he'd like to admit. their break up has come at an amazing time in eric and i's life. we are just beginning to learn and grow through some of the things that happenned in tennessee 5 years ago and seeing such a fresh picture of who we were has been unbelievable.

so in talking to david, i've become a little obsessed with saving them from the terrible things that our long ago break up meant for us. i have felt honored to be a part of the kind of love that eric and i once had . . . helping david and kelly has meant helping a lost and hurting eric and lexi. that kind of love we had--you don't come across often. in talking to kelly tonight i've sadly discovered that really i've only come across it once in my lifetime.

and that once was with eric.

and me.

a little over 11 years ago.

when that 14 year old boy met that 12 year old girl something special happened. something that no one else can ever expirience. something that only the two of us have felt. and even those crazy things that happened between a very confused 19 year old and 21 year old. those are things that no matter how much similarily we find in other people's lives--no one else will ever feel. not david and kelly--or anyone else.

when i talked to kelly tonight i'm afraid that she heard some of that urgency in my voice. the one that i was trying so hard to hide. i couldn't help but let that urgency into my words when i told her my story and how i'd do it different if i had a chance. i felt that i was talking to me, 5 years ago and if i'd have held any of it back tonight i think that it would have been just one more regret.

so kelly and i talked about God, about relationships and ultimately about her finding out who she is. all things i know she couldn't get a handle on because of tonight's conversation but i thought i'd give it my best shot. i hope that 5 years ago i would have listened to what i had to say today. i hope--i really hope.

know what though? whether or not i made a lasting impact on kelly's life tonight i know one thing. she made a lasting impact on mine. she and david, without having a clue what they were doing were just the type of marital counseling eric and i needed. they were like a big mirror for us. maybe even one of those blasted magnifying mirrors. they allowed eric and i to look in on us the way we were. and if the way we were was beautiful--the way we are is indescribable!

after talking to david last friday i left eric a note that has dramatically changed our relationship.

for the better.

and i don't think i would have left that note if i hadn't seen the hurt in david's eyes earlier that day when he was telling me about how kelly had never loved him back...how it was always her asking for more and him trying to give it but how it never went the other way. and i was so sad. sad for them and sad for eric.

that i was that way and always had been.

there was just something about that conversation and seeing me causing eric that kind of hurt that made me go home and make that divine first move. the one i always make eric take. and it was amazing. for once i loved eric like he loved me and it seemed to change everything...

so tonight as i think over the past five years--i have to thank david and kelly for helping us through them. best of luck to them on their journey--perhaps a journey together or perhaps one apart. above all i wish them a journey with their Creator and a journey with their soulmate--whoever that may be.

so i've gotten a little sappy tonight--and please forgive me for that but--i am a woman in love with my husband. is there any reason not to share that?