the waiting place

i feel like i am in "the waiting place".

i've been here a bunch of times, i'm sure you have too. most of the time when i find myself here i am far too agitated to take the time to look around. today i find myself sitting on a pile of lost and forsaken things--i've been here for days, waiting for my ticket to be called. this time i know and trust that may name is coming up sometime soon. instead of wasting my time sending annoyed glances at the receptionist here, i've decided to try something new. somehow in the all the waiting and staying i've found hope enough to dig through the rubbish around me (something that is rarely done here) and i've found a bit of truth that i've never seen here before. although i don't know how...

here it is. take it for what it's worth. in this place it means everything--i'm not sure of it's value on the outside but ...

i actually know the One that is calling the tickets here in the waiting place...and it definetly helps that He calls me daughter. it helps that i know He has my best in mind. usually when i am here i am angry and impatient, too much so to see the graffiti on the walls around that says,

It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent. -- Jeremy Taylor

i think i get that....finally. and i think i am actually beginning to beleive it. could it be?

waiting has never been something i'm good at. as a matter of fact if i could only use five words to describe myself one of them would be impatient!!!

but regardless God has me in this wonderful waiting place today...and yesterday...and the day before... waiting for the signal that this new orleans trip is really supposed to happen...because all signs are currently pointing in the other direction.

i am waiting along with 21 others for

transportation...

&

accommodations...

both of which we once had and then...didn't.

this trip has been planned for sometime now. vans donated and checked out, people called and reservations made. and it's like in the past few days everything has crumbled. the church van won't make the trip. my tent city contact won't call me back with secure information on our accomodations.

it's funny, in the midst of it all--trying to make new plans, secure different cars, go through a different charity operation, while taking care of my sick baby neice...i've found peace. i think normally i would be a wreck right now. i think normally this project would belong to me, be a reflection of me...and not God. well this time it's just different...

this time i know He is not only behind this but in front and on the side and in the midst of it all...and i can rest in that.

i can find peace in that.