my scribbles

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

today.



today i live in a little blue house with a little green yard and a certain happy yellow glider that sits on the porch and welcomes me home every time i pull into the drive. i sleep in a cozy little attic that asks for art and cook in a tiny little kitchen that insists on music. this house is not much to others. it's not exactly in the greatest of neighborhoods. it's certainly not worth much monetarily...with it's cracks in the walls and (perfect) imperfections. BUT this house is a gift to me. a great and perfect gift from the Father. a gift that says He knows me and loves me and provides for little ol' me...

almost 2 yrs ago i learned my husband was not the savior in my story. i learned the boy that i had fallen in love with at 12 was full of flaws...just like me. my life went up in flames. he betrayed our marriage vows...and me. Oh heart. it was broken into a million little peices. and yet God showed us a way of grace...it was a rocky way. not many had taken this road before us...it was overgrown and in places seemingly impossible and yet we climbed. we climbed this way of grace to heights in our marriage we had never known. we tore down and rebuilt our 7 yr marriage. along the way encountered many obstacles...eric quit quit his job, we lost our house, sold our stuff, drained our savings, and lived with dear & gracious friends. God swooped in and changed our lives forever. challenging us to the core of who we are...emotionally, relationally, financially and most important, spiritually. 2 years later we are far from done with this terrible and wonderful process but we have a story to tell. a story where He is (once again) the hero in the story. just as it should be.

today i live in a little blue house. a house that knows me! a house He hand picked for me...from the beginning. in this little dream house of mine i live a life closer to the one i always wanted then the one i had 2 yrs ago. a life i can hardly call my own because it belongs to Him. and all i gave up in these past two years? all He pryed from my hands? all that stuff was standing in between me and this freedom. today, He tells me who i am--not my husband or my house or my job or money or people's opinion. don't get me wrong... some days i wish i was someone else or want so bad for someone or something else to tell me who i am. but when i listen to Him-- to His whispers in my ear--and i live in that God confidence...i'm free. free of everything in this small cruel world that binds me. everyday, if i listen, He tells me He made me and loves me. that i'm His colorful crazy wildflower of a child...i can't help but be fly free.