He speaks in song and scent

my soul has been in a deep winter.

cold. snow. fights. storms. head in my hands, staying in--wrapped in myself. going to bed alone. slamming doors. dark. dead.

today, i felt spring's life quicken inside my icy soul. thawing. melting.

so often my heart is challenged by the obvious senses of sight and sound. i read something amazing or someone says something challenging or i see something, beautiful or ugly--and it pricks my heart and makes it beat faster...and i understand i should confess...and change directions. so often i limit the Creator to the ordinary...thinking that's what He prefers. i forget He's wild and i domesticate Him and think He'll speak to me in the morning...during the time i read my Bible...or not at all. so i don't hear Him the rest of the day--unless he yells in song and scent.

today my savior serenaded me. i was sitting at my desk, checking the normal things i check--one foot in front of the other routine, and a song without words came on pandora. it knew me. ("the winter" by balmorhea.) my heart stopped and listened. the smell of my new lilac candle filled my nostrils and my icy heart started dripping.

sometimes every once in awhile, the Creator of all my senses sings me a love song in lilac and violin...something so tender and personal--just for me. and my heart melts at the sound...His gentle touch reminds me of His presence...and i am on my face in worship.

He's felt so far away lately and nothing has been making sense without Him. in that moment, He drew near to me...little ol me. and i could feel Him as if He were sitting in the room with me and got up to wrap me up in His arms. a graceful gesture. i've been unlovely and unlovable lately. stubborn and silly. distracted and willful. stormy and weak minded. and He, God of all sights , smells and sounds alighted upon me--held me close, took my face in His hands and demanded all my attention. because He loves me and i'm His. i give Him no other reason...i can't.

He whispered in my ear all kinds of things i wrote down with my hands. in that lilac perfumed moment i felt suspended. like nothing mattered but me and Him. nothing mattered but pleasing Him.

and life quickened inside my dead heart. He stirred me. and i feel awake/alive. that must be how the flowers feel when He whispers spring into their earthy little souls.

i caught a glimpse of something beautiful in that moment. a moving picture i'd like to recreate. about my soul's winter and the signs of spring. asking the question of whether my actions create life or death...that's the short story. i hope to tell the long story soon...

this all sounds crazy i'm sure. but, when He touches you, you can't help but tell the story.

this is me and this is all i got. crazy or not.