something of nothing

so it's the day after christmas and all i can think about is how incredibly blessed i am. He gave me such a wonderful gift for christmas this year when He let me not only get christmas for the first time but feel it also. this holiday season i have felt the weight of the gift offered to me on that historic christmas night so long ago and the heaviness consumes my every thought. the blessed weight of the gift of that One redeeming life . . . wow. i am finding everything spiritual these days. everyday life in the light of Christ is shocking and exciting. . . although somewhat apalling.

i guess after that gift all the other happy things that happened this christmas seem unnessisarily given. i feel unworthy and humbled by all the gifts i've recieved this christmas. the gift of seeing my four year old's proud face when presenting me with a gift that she picked out by herself. the gift of my unbeleivable husband get promoted to a new and exciting position that he has worked so hard for. the gift of all four sisters together again on christmas morning. the gift of more laughter and less drama this christmas. and the most exciting of all, the gift of a new dream. . .

so after all the gifts were opened on sunday morning my husband said that i had one more hiding in the tree. i opened the envelope to find this note:

every once in a great while someone special is born. april 4th, 1928-maya angelou. may 29th, 1917--jfk. january 5th, 1929--martin luther king jr. march 6th, 1375--michelangelo. november 30th, 1835--samuel clemens. june 18th, 1982--you.

all of these mentioned were born with something a little extra, something that the rest of us don't have. a gift, a talent, a dream, a desire to do somehing greater than just live a life. you are one of these people. you have an amazing ability to make someone feel like the most important person in the world. you have the talent to see dreams for people that they can't see themselves. and you have an unbelievable ability to make nothings into somethings. so this christmas i want to give you something that will help you realize one of your dreams and use one of your gifts to do something great. i love you.--eric

also enclosed in the envelope was a reciept for tuition paid to design school. wow. i am still a bit shocked. naturally i cried . . . and laughed and then kissed this amazing man! he's had this planned for a while now and came up with this crazy idea all by himself. i was honored by the gift and even more honored by the words he wrote about me:) sometimes when life consumes me, i forget that the man that i fight with, struggle through, and come home to still loves and cares for me in this irrational kind of way. this was the ultimate reminder.

anyway. i wanted a new dream. and i got one for christmas. i think this is an interesting bend in my road. and i think an unexpectedly pleasant path lies ahead. i have no other choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other as i discover what this big BIG God has in store for me.

eric's note said that i turn nothings into somethings but for now i feel a bit like a nothing slowly turning into a something! i guess that's what He's had in mind the whole time. i guess i am slowly coming to the realization that He has forever had this planned for me. kind of like a divine cinderella story. He ever continues to work inside of me, making me look more and more like Him . . . less like the nothing i have prefered for too long and more like His something. i think He has to be a bit relieved to find i am no longer struggling against His finderprint on me. i am now leaning into His plan. excited even that someone bigger and better than me is in charge of choosing the path of my life. and this time i can have no fear of "wasting my pick". because His pick will forever be the best pick. . . i just can't wait to see what it is He has for me . . .