simple thoughts. . .

my alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning. call me crazy but i actually got up.

my first "leadership" group was this morning at 5:30 AM!!! wow, considering that my stay at home mom job requires me to get up around 9, that is a serious amount of sleep loss for me. but--it was good. it was stirring i should say.

we had a disscussion about people. about which people in our small groups we should make a priority to spend our time with. since we need to reproduce a group of leaders our current size some said--future leaders. those of us that have a beautiful heart and understanding for people said, whoever is hurting. i didn't say much--it's so unlike me to sit back and listen but i found hearing the "strategy" behind relevent relationships, all a bit confusing. as it all swirled around me and in my head i began to form different thought all together.

what if it isn't about us? what if our time means nothing. we consider our time to be some precious commodity not worth wasting. but the fact of the matter is that we are nothing. making our time mean even less. leaving room for Him to step in and make it mean more. perhaps this is one of those areas that we should quit embracing the natural and start embracing the supernatural.

as we discussed the importance of stratigic relationships and on the flipside the heartless way that this came across, i began to wonder what Jesus would say. not in a corny wwjd way but in a real way. Jesus had so much to say to people. not much to say about them--as if He wanted us to do the obvious and just follow His life.

after our conversation this morning i was desperate for an example of what Christ had to say about this matter. not soul care or any other book but simply the Son of God. surely He would be the one to have the answer to this puzzling question. . . and then i remembered the passage where the disciples (perfect biblical model for a leadership small group) asked Jesus who out of them was the greatest. I rushed home to find the "answer" only to find out the passage says something about becoming like a child. turns out becoming the biggest servant makes one the greatest in the kingdom of God. hmmm, equally puzzling. . . and illogical. He could have given an answer here. but He didn't. He left us to fill in the blank after we "become like a child". hmmm . . .

an idea was brought up this morning that i felt was too soon dissmissed. the idea was that we should simply follow Christ in life and thus relationships like He had will soon follow. if we truely passionately and emotionally follow Christ . . . why is that idea simplistic? if our only two instructions are to love God and love people than doesn't that mean we are to deal with anything that falls in anywhere in between those two catagories as it comes? isn't that a part of the personal process that He requires? isn't that a part of trusting and beleiving that what He says works?

seems to me there is no answer. only a process. a process of me learning to obey 2 rules. Love God. love others. and the rest is up to God and how He wants to work in my life. the rest--if i really do the first 2--i mean really do the first 2, the rest i should count as God's plan and His hand in my life. right? because He says, VERY SIMPLY . . .

"anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. you're not in the driver's seat, I am. don't run from suffering, embrace it. follow me and I'll show you how. self help is no help at all. self sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self." matt 16:24-25


and then . . .


"I am the world's Light. no one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in."

the pharisees objected, "all we have is your word on this. we need more than this to go on."

Jesus replied, "you're right that you only have my word. but you can depend on it being true. I know where I've come from and where I go next. You don't know where I'm from or where I'm headed. you decide according to what you can see and touch. I don't make judgements like that. but even if I did, my judgement would be true because I wouldn't make it out of the narrowness of my expierience but in the largeness of the One who sent me, the Father. God's law says that you can count on the testemony of two witnesses. and that is what you have, my word and the word of my Father who sent me." john 8:12-18

so is it simplistic to do things fully relying on the Father or is it the only way we can really serve Him?

do we over think this mess?

do we count ourselves so important that we can make a logical process out of His illogical principles?

i think so.

love God, love others. that's what i will do. whether or not i get stretched too thin, whether or not i go through burn out or whatever else. it is a process but it is anything but a logical one. we must embrace suffering and follow Christ so why are we trying to map out the smoothest path? the path of least resistance?

now the coffee is speaking and i know i'm probably not making much sense. i'm still processing and praying over this issue. i am however, thankful for a group of women that i can discuss higher things with on a regular basis. i love the chaos that it stirs up in me. i love the seeking that i must do to hear God in these areas of mention.

so waking up at 5:30 hasn't been such a bad thing after all.