my scribbles

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

goliath dreams

today's bible reading plan has goliath dreams echoing in my head.

the story of david and goliath. this story has been told told and over told and yet it was new to me this afternoon. sometimes these Bible stories can loose their awe inspiring nature when they've been adopted by our culture as a tall tale or myth. today i read it and absorbed the unbelievability of it all. david had some kinda faith!!! the kinda faith that could change the world. the kind of faith that God loves. the kind of faith that honors Him for who He is. in my daily life i trust God with about as much as i trust my one year old. you know...i give Him the little things. i disrespect Him by not asking Him to come through--to behead my goliaths. He was the giant killer. not david. but david asked and walked toward a ten foot tall giant in faith. david brought his gifts, and let God use them. He could have asked and God could have just killed Him on the spot--but david offered himself to be used by God--with his little sling and 5 stones. He was prepared and yet soooooo unbelievably unequipped. yet he brought what He had and trusted, without a doubt that God would do the rest. i don't know about you but where i come from this kinda faith is not only non existant but is laughed at--even by those that "know" God. David calls Him God-Alive...is He that in my life?...do i want Him to be?....hmmmmm.

and that unbelievable story lead straight into another. the new testement spoke of jesus' birth and the dreams that lead the way. dream after dream it was that God worked through. a dream that took the wise men another way home, a dream that lead joseph away from bethleham in the dark, a dream that brought them out of egypt and a dream that brought them to nazereth. dream after dream...does that mean He works in my dreams? dreams while i sleep and dreams while i'm awake? dreams like making a difference, dreams like getting away. dreams like not raising my kids in man made safety? dreams like teaching them to trust in Him? dreams like really putting the most important things first? dreams like the kind that everyone laughs at. dreams like the kind that i barely consider? my dreams? is He saying that works in those? dreaming is something i do. every night and every day. is He saying He works that way. does He want my dreams?

the spirit keeps whispering "goliath dreams" in my ear. goliath dreams, goliath dreams, goliath dreams--the dreams that would take a david faith to make reality. i can't get it out of my head. so i'm attempting to turn up the volume of Him and turn down the volume of the normal voices in my head--laughing at david faith, laughing at dreams. i'm trying to believe. believe in a God that doesn't make sense. believe in a God that HAS SHOWN me the miracle of His counter intuitive ways. He says give it all to me and you'll get it all back--that and then some...i see proof of that all over my life and yet still don't know that i believe in golaith dreams...

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

expensive grace?

i've been thinking about grace lately. how much it costs SOMEONE. i got there by thinking about how much it cost me....and that took me quickly to how much it must cost God to give His grace to me...and then it took me to easter. and how much it cost Him on that cross. my sin cost Him His Son. my sin cost Him hurt and pain that makes my cost look minuscule. pennies to his billions. embarrassing all the sudden--that i'm counting my cost...the hurt that it takes to stay, when His cost is infinitely more than mine.

this song is all about my hurt. and it's alot. but His is more...when i think about my hurt...i think about His...i hope i never forget this lesson...

Between The Lines by sara barreilles

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me always be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines