the promise

so i got some good news back on my pregnancy. for no reason the hemorrage that was threatening the pregnancy is healing. after all of this i feel small. this whole time i've felt so angry and sad and entitled. such a sense of entitlement has come up in me these past few weeks in the face of this possible miscarriage. it's been ugly. to think that i deserved such a gift is apalling...but honest. this kind act of God has humbled me and made me think alot about faith and hope and his brand of love. it's made me think alot about His goodness. and if i really beleive in it.

why do i think only good things should happen to me? why do i think because i am a follower of Christ i should be exempt from the hurt and pain of this world that is my home? my prayers in all of this have been so selfish and self-centered. i didn't really care what He might have in store for me. i wanted my way. and i still do. the promise wasn't that we would have lives full of peace and love. the promise was that He would never leave or forsake us. the promise was that we would face trials of many kinds and that we should give thanks in those trials. i can tell you right now i was not giving thanks in any of this!!! what would it mean to give thanks in the midst of a storm? what would it mean to really trust and love Him that much?

this song is amazing. in this world of unexplained hurt and pain...this song helps me sort things out a bit...and remember it's not about me...it's about Him...and if He is good than that is perfect.

held by natalie grant
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell ...
we’d be held.

silence

"i believe in the sun
even if it does not shine."

"i believe in love
even if i do not feel it."

"i believe in God
even when he is silent."

my great friend sara gave me this gift of embroidered words today. you have no idea how much these words meant to me in that moment.

we've found out this week that the new life that's inside me right now may not make it. it's hard understanding why. it's hard to believe. it's hard to hope. it's hard to believe and hope in this that He is good.

i know He is good. i know He is good. i know He is good.

i keep telling myself that. kinda like dorothy and that whole "there is no place like home thing". i think if i repeat it...over and over and over that i'll really get it. He is nothing but good and can be nothing but good. i know that. i believe that.

i am trying to believe that...

something is better than nothing

today is world AIDS day!

a single day set aside to pause and take a look at this

silent, misunderstood and devastating

disease and ponder what what we can do to halt it's pandemic possibilities. this disease is sweeping across the world, coming to your neighborhood with little to no acknowledgement from the local church. how sad. that is a tragedy in and of itself.

perhaps our inaction is due to the fact that we are not only hopelessly self centered but a bit delusional in thinking we are safe here in suburban america. or perhaps we think we are too good to help the men women and children dying from this monster. perhaps we think we have a right to look down on those with what some ignorant people may think of as an "immoral" disease. hmmm.

Jesus walked and talked, loved and was loved by lepers and prostitutes. it has been said that AIDS is the modern day leprosy. what will you do to help?

it could be as simple as taking some time to educate yourself further on the subject, or reaching out to that one person you know that is infected. it could mean raising the awareness of those around you. it could mean taking some time to pray for those that are suffering from the disease and those who have set aside their lives to valiantly fight against it.

take whatever action today may mean for you,
doing something is better than doing nothing.

www.one.org